What she took from me yesterday, she gave back to me today :]

the universe never seems to fail.

But I was reminded that this was a blog, and not a social network. So if it’s a blog and blogs are where you express your thoughts…

I guess essentially I’m talking to myself.

I suppose that works.

Hey there, me. What’s up?

on a lighter note, im simply taking a break from studies. after friday i’ll be home free and the gates will open for me to finally enjoy my summer.

much planned, and much more expected.

you know, i think im starting to feel as if im using tumblr as a person to talk to. starting to seem that way at least…

i have friends…. :P

wait, before I start, as i scroll scroll scroll.. all i see are reblogs and pictures and more reblogs… ESPECIALLY reblogs of pictures.

I was told the other day that the generation after me is significant in that they will mark one of the largest turning points it creativity: the depreciation of it.

I dont see long ass posts like mines anymore, and its pretty evident that no one reads them (because kids dont really read nowadays anymore huh?)

im not just being emo haha, to the few of you who actually follow me and read what i write, i would know. seriously. haha. but no, really. back in the day when me and my friends would be asked to come up with a hilarious skit for camp that serves no other purpose than to provide duty-free entertainment to kids, we’d actually come up with something good. every camp they would look forward to our skits and dances. but now i hear that all the kids do now is…look up youtube videos and mimic them..

and ive actually noticed it too, i just never really thought anything of it. think tt8, tt9… the skits were all pulled from youtube. the jokes: youtube. the dances: youtube.

i mean, correct me if im mistaken because i simply dont know everyone to follow on tumblr, but it seems to me that those who are noticed and are popular are those who actually are willing to spend time reblogging all day..sifting through the copious amounts of gifs and pictures… and sure you might say that the originals must have come from somewhere, but im sure that if a person was truly serious about their photography or artwork, they wouldn’t make their primary catalog a tumblr… 

but then again i dont know.

what i do know is that back then, if guys were to take pictures of themselves and post them online, they’d probably get their ass kicked. but what, we’re in a new hipster age where we’re more tolerant of that stuff? tolerance is one thing, but whats happening here isnt tolerance…its a replacement of what is truly important and fundamental: your mind.

sure, be more tolerant of gays, of guys wearing skinny jeans and taking a picture of themselves every morning before they go to the bus, or more tolerant of break dancing and drugs. of course im all for tolerance of gamers and geeks and soldiers and sex and the embracement of pokemon and whatever.

sure tolerance is great..but not at the expense of creativity and your mind.

its easy to make something a fad..simply click the reblog button and take pictures of it over and over.

its easy to start a “clothing line” nowadays.. come up with two random words and scribble a logo and make it “cool”

song covers are awesome, and the gift of a great voice should be heard…

but where in the world is the creation? why are you making old things fads again? those old things were the brainchildren of older generations…where is YOUR mark? where is the artwork and quality in clothing? why are people paying $30 for a glidan t-shirt that simply has its logo on it? where are the original pieces of cover artists?

Why do you think the 90’s were such an amazing time? what makes the 2000’s?

Don’t get me wrong, its not like I myself set the bar and contributed to the world..but at l realize that there IS a problem here. the biggest weakness is ignorance and looking around me…the world is full of it…regardless of how large the lens of the thick framed glasses everyone seems to be wearing now.

its not that…im saying these new trends and such are unnecessary. I think those glasses are pretty cool quite frankly. I have red skinny jeans and im waiting for my illest snap back to come in. what im trying to say is that it should be an evolution of culture, not a replacement of values. 

and truly i HOPE im wrong, and i WANT someone to tell me im wrong. no one seems to ever do. i rant and ramble, believing everything i say is truth, when i know myself “there is no way i can always be right”. but whats right is whats never proven wrong, and well… no one ever seems to want to prove me wrong.

and i guess this happens to everyone? and thats where ignorance is bred, because id be ignorant to my own beliefs by now if i didnt struggle so hard to realize that im NOT always right. there needs to be more of a voice..of an opinion.

—-

well i really dont know what i was trying to say before now… i should change the title i guess? but then it really wouldnt make much sense the first part…

it was something about…the last post…..
which had to do with…

eh..can’t remember. oh wells.

___

im not so sure how much sense this post makes. if anything it makes me feel extra ignorant because im sure there are some kids that are creative out there and tumblr is just a grounds for…consolidation of things that are awesome and…inspiration? apologies to…well. no one reads anyways lol. i guess im just waiting now.

No one reads the stuff I write anyways, so I might as well vent away. Speaking of vent, you know how everyone says that venting is good and that they’ll always be there to listen? Sure, they’ll listen to the first few times during the initial stages of distraught emerges, but as time progresses and the damage still as yet to be fixed, during the time when ventilation (hah) is most needed, they’re never around. Why? I’m sure I can untangle and figure it out, but eh…don’t really feel like it right now.

But anyways, invisible four sided friend, I found that I’ve sadly still been forcing myself into things I should not force myself into. I mean, my vision is straight but I can’t seem to clear the clouds. I randomly break back into consciousness and realize that my subconscious keeps on reverting back to what I am used to. Being alone is nice, its quiet, it allows me to focus on things I need to focus on.. its nice being unchained and free, however I’m not allowing myself to be happy. The stress that I used to have seems to somehow be more comforting…

strange. it really is.

but really, all these “new” things that I have been doing, have been consistently keeping up with and these random new interests that ive suddenly developed..

i have to admit to you, invisible friend, that they arent…really for me at all. I’m subconsciously trying to gain attention from someone that im not sure really notices me. also because this small window of opportunity is bound to be closed soon enough, i feel as if…force is..somewhat needed? but then again i tell myself that things should never be forced, and if things are meant to happen, then they’ll happen.

but another part of me feels as if our long dormant relationship is so stagnant at the moment because of the state of dormancy that it has assumed. as a scratch of a glass rod to initial full recrystallization, i somewhat feel as if this state of order and separation simple needs the right amount of force,a push,to favor the entropic state and initiate what is meant to be a forceless relationship.

thats how things should be anyways right? forceless. completely spontaneous.

however so many things in nature need to reach a certain level of disorder to initiate the inevitable cascade of spontaneous events. the force, the push..

suppose ill keep waiting then.

—

!! another thing

many might say to screw it and just utilize the simple aspects of confidence, dominance and risk to achieve what is desired

however.

just as in nature, there are certain necessities that need to be met before the cascade of spontaneous events can occur. ideal conditions, transfer particles, head-on collisions.. there are rules that need to be abided. as just as nature requires rules, the game has rules as well.

I suppose thats why forcing it is so difficult. there are so many rules involved. there are so many factors that need to be taken into consideration, and in today’s age of technological and social development and evolution, the rules have changed and increased exponentially. its to the point where the rules can’t be learned but need to be derived from a gut instinct, and if you dont have it, then you can’t play. confidence and strength is easy to obtain and easy to use…its timing that is of the essence.

hm. interesting isnt it.

Just a hunch.

I’m usually not one to write down my tasks, but who knows, maybe it’ll help. I guess this is a running list. I’ll continue to add on whenever I come up with something, but I suppose this is whatever I can come up with right now. A few are goals, a few are monetary checks on myself so I don’t overspend my year away, and a few are just some things I’ve always really wanted to do, but never had the time or was just lazy. 

Oh and another thing:
Even though they’re my goals, and that I should be crossing these out at my own pace to my heart’s content, I find that a little motivation never really hurt. Sometimes you just need that push—training wheels, if you will, to get my self-sustaining in what I want to do. So that being said, I know I’m not exactly what you tumblr kids call “tumblr famous” or whatever, but to the very few followers that I have, to the very few that actually read these random spurts of text and thoughts I call a blog, if you like this list, I’ll give each of you a little something (or a big something, who knows, depends on how much I like you, but something nonetheless, something different for everyone) if I don’t accomplish what is on this list by the time I allotted myself. If you do so, don’t think you’re being greedy, or a fake friend, or any of that, you really are helping me out. I’m actually encouraging it, yes, even to you who doesn’t even know me. Another thing is that, if you guys do wind up liking this, it not only will motivate me to get these things done, but also will make it rewarding even if I DONT get these things done. The greatest gift is giving and if you’re willing to give me this random act of kindness, I’ll do so for you in return. Look, ill even bold this and such to show that I’m not merely hiding through this big mass of text. Weee look! Read me! Wooo!!

So lets begin :]

One month:
-Destroy the DAT
-Apply and send all my applications in
-Get DA certified
-Register at least 15 students for swim lessons
-Apply for post-bac
-****** *********** **** ******* ******«this one’s a toughie.. -_-. May move it to two
-Fix my car & tint
-Jet ski

Two months:
-Rage with a group - June 30
-Stay in bed for an entire day
-Visit Austin
-Go to a beach that isn’t Galveston
-Be able to look at her without disappointment «sigh. I think i can do it.
-Rekindle my ties with

Three months:
-Have at least 6k of hard-earned money in the checking
-Savings: >15,000
-Have a stable DA job/Intern
-Buy a new laptop
-Go back to Dallas

Four months:
-Visit the west coast: have a real vacation
-Halo’s for the Lexi
-Numark Controller

By September:
-Buy my mom that treadmill she’s been wanting

By October:
-Make a perfectly dimensioned mau5 head
-…that lights up
-Checking: 8k
-Savings: 16k

Eventually:
-Have a house designed by a contemporary architect
-Design at least one component myself

TBC..